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Chris G. Williams Beware: I mix tech and personal interests here.

My somewhat colorful non-spoileriffic review of Aquaman (aka Wet Thor)!


TL;DR: It's fucking wonderful. See it.


My amazing wife managed to secure us a couple of advance seats to see Aquaman, and I have to admit, when asked if I was excited, the answer was "cautiously optimistic" at best.

I don't recall all of the trailers, but the one that did stick out was for Shazam, which looks delightfully stupid. It's a buddy comedy, and it's going to be awful, but I'll probably love it.


You're still reading? Ok good... you know DC has been kind of a shitshow at the movies of late, right?

Yes Wonder Woman was exceptional, and a true delight to watch. I loved it. You loved it. Critics loved it... and yes I also fucking loved Man of Steel enough to watch it MULTIPLE times, both in theaters and at home, and yes, I know I'm in the minority there. (I also loved Iron Fist, but that's neither here nor there.)

I didn't hate Batman Vs Superman, but it was pretty fucking far from good, and honestly Justice League was steaming hot garbage. Suicide Squad, not technically DCU, was enjoyable, but also not great.

So having said all of that, you can understand my reluctance to drop hard earned cash on what could be just another "too dark to follow, steaming turd of depression." I don't like seeing people piss on my childhood heroes, but nobody gave a fuck about Aquaman prior to this movie. NOBODY.


Let me start with hitting the good points.

1. Visually, this movie is stunning. It's WELL-LIT. You can actually see EVERYTHING that happens on screen. Holy shit what a concept. It's a modern miracle. Coincidentally, this is one of the things I loved about Wonder Woman.

2. There's a lot of mythology here. No, he's not a god (although some folks may disagree, but they're thinking of the actor, not the character). Again, he's not a god, but the story of Atlantis is deeply rooted in our cultural mythology, regardless of your stance on comic books. This is one of the things DC does best. Seriously, they fucking EXCEL at it. Much like Marvel's take on Asgard.

3. Black Manta is not exactly a top tier villain most moviegoers will be familiar with, but this movie does a FANTASTIC job of setting the tone for why he hates Aquaman so much. They give exactly enough time to his backstory for most of the audience to go "oh ok, got it!" and those more familiar to go "yep, that works." It's perfectly executed.

4. Jason Momoa (hallowed be his name) is a fucking badass to the Nth degree. He easily carries this entire movie on his (ample) shoulders. This is not Khal Drogo (or Ronin) in a wetsuit, this is Arthur Curry. He's funny, but never comedic. He makes mistakes, but he's never stupid. He's no surfer bruh, either. This is an origin story worth telling.

5. If this movie was a cake, the ingredients list would contain the best parts of Pacific Rim and Lord of the Rings with a little bit of A Game of Thrones for added flavor. It's a good fucking cake too! I ate all of it, and I'd do it again.

6. Nicole Kidman is also apparently a badass, who knew? She's fantastic as Atlanna, and smoking hot to boot.

7. Amber Heard (Mera) is also a badass, and smoking hot in this movie. I wonder where she learned to fight like that? Living with Johnny Depp I guess.


The Bad:
......

(Ok if I must... seahorses don't whinny underwater. That was dumb.)


PLOT

I don't want to get too deep into a plot discussion, since most folks haven't seen it, but I'll hit the high points.

1. Arthur Curry is the son of an Atlantean and a Human. (If you really want to split hairs, both are human, although Atlanteans evolved a bit in their time underwater.)

2. This is definitely not your orange shirt, green pants "I talk to fish" guy from the SuperFriends cartoons of the 70s & 80s, although homage is paid to both.

3. This movie takes place after the events of Justice League, not before. They reference it ONE time, and it's nearly a throwaway line, which is great, because fuck that movie.

4. At this stage in his career, FishGuy is mostly relegated to the pages of the National Enquirer, and a conspiracy theory talk show.

5. The fight scenes are very well done, and fun to watch. I don't know how much Jason Momoa (hallowed be his name) did his own stunts, but it was convincing regardless.

6. There's a musical training montage or two in the movie, which as a teen of the 80's, I fully appreciated. Even moreso because he's being trained to fight by the deliciously vile Willem Dafoe (of Green Goblin fame from the pre-MCU Spider-Man movies.)

That's it. See it. Seriously. It's so good. It may be DC's best so far. It's definitely high on my "Superhero Movie List" in general.

Posted on Sunday, December 16, 2018 9:19 PM | Back to top


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